Getting better…

The small daily things that I used to react to with a freeze in my body. White T-shirts like a scary ghost. I couldn’t stand people wearing white T-shirts. That meant everyone, young and old ones. I sat on the bus and several was wearing them and suddenly I thought to myself “Have I finally gotten past this nightmare” ? Seemingly I must have gotten that far now. That is progress in healing a wound that been stuck in my body and mind for decades. Life is getting better, but doesn’t mean that it will be okay ever that he can get close to me again. My body never forgives what he did.

All this other nonsence with this world thing that I have messed up my mind with is slowly letting go too. It is all just something I wish I hadn’t spin my head into. I been dazed and confused as my last therapist called me to have been. Medication helps a lot to get my mind back on the right track.

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New Place To Stay

I am still alive and doing better than some months ago. I have gotten mental help. Mostly help to self help. Only I can change me, but by guidance from people around me my mindset get changed. I turn into a better me. Feel less lost and more aware of the world around me.

I am awaiting getting an apartment now by July. Look forward getting a rest and find my place again in this world.

Big thanks to my friends 😀 ❤

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Jane Helen

I applied Wednesday evening and by Friday my name was officially changed to Jane Helen 😀 ❤ I didn’t know it would go so fast, but am real happy it went through fast and smooth 😀 So no more hick ups in how to say my name, thanks.

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Lost Like A “A Beautiful Mind” …

This is my Lost Map… Anyone out there who understands me or how much of this is real and where does it ever going to leave me?

I have to make One right choice for the World Peace…

My life is like the country songs… I must have listened way too much to the songs…

The island I grew up on built a whole world around myself in my own mind? Or is the world using me as a living toy for  stupid reason? …

I made myself “Hurt” in the end… Now I see the world with clear eyes… ? Or completely lost ?

 

Mind Map 2018

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Blah, Blah, Blah…

Blah,blah,blah…

That how it sounds in my ears

When a man speaks

And action miss out

Just blah,blah,blah…

 

Blah,blah,blah…

They say they need you

They say they care about you

They say they want you

Just blah,blah,blah…

 

Blah,blah,blah…

They say they want to grow old with you

They say they want to protect you

They say they love you forever

Just blah,blah,blah…

 

Blah,blah,blah…

I see you want me when you write to me

I see you care about me when you write to me

I see you love me when you write to me

Just blah,blah,blah…

 

Blah,blah,blah…

So how come youre not been here?

How come you still wait for me?

Shouldn’t the man go get his woman?

Action speaks louder than words so

Just blah,blah,blah…

 

Janne Helen August 2017

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Today I don’t like my damaged mind at all…

 Thoughts run like a fast train …

Dreams and reality crashes together…

It’s gonna take time…

Edit

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The Future what does it hold?

I am already lost because of the country I grew up in kicked me out due to it’s law system. Making it a human right to offend someone… Visa about to run out so don’t really know what happens next… I am applying for visa to stay here. I want to get a life here and forget the past that seem to have dragged me down all too long already…

If I don’t get to stay here I got to find elsewhere than Norway. Where that will be I don’t know, somewhere to hide away…

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