CPTSD and Flashbacks

Last night I had flashbacks from two incidents.

The first one was from when I got a several hundred kilo cow on top of me. I was in the barn with my father. He had gone to get some more hay for the cows and bulls. I was doing the milking with machines. One of the cows had kicked the machine off and I tried to pick it up next thig knowing I was lying underneath her and by chock she lay down too and squeezed me. I couldn’t breath, I tried to scream but get my fathers attention but he was upstairs and it was too much noise to hear anything. Anyway I don’t think I managed to make any noise because I couldn’t breath. Suddenly I saw the neighbor cows foot above my head I thought she was going to kick my head. My life passed in fast moving pictures in my mind. I thought I was dying. Next I remember was the cow stand back up. My body made a bow like my feet and head to the ground the other part up from the ground and millions of needles in my body. I felt so thirsty and crawled to the cows water bowl and drank water from there it was yucky but I got water. I had problems standing up alright. I felt so beat up. I managed to walk to behind the cows and my father came down. Noticed I was all dirty. Told him I fell. Couldn’t explain about the cow on top of me… One traumatic event in my life.

The second was flashbacks from several sexual assaults the abuser did to me. From when he tied me up and gagged me with his stinking sock.. I passed out sometimes. I came to myself untied and thirsty.. Sore in my private area after he had raped me. I don’t know what he had used either his penis or things.. Sometimes I was bleeding too and I wasn’t having my period. I hate having flashbacks and memories these things.

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Better days coming…

I can say I am fully vaccinated now 🙂 Been for three weeks. I had no side effects, only a little sore for a couple of days on the spot.

The pandemic is still going on, but slowly we are going to get back to some sort of life we had before it came around and turned our world into craziness. I still wear my face mask in shops and public transportation and will keep doing that until we get to a state with no new cases in my city.

I strongly recommend my readers to get vaccinated not just for yourself but for all of us. We don’t want to loose anyone. There are very few deaths because of the vaccines compared of those who got the virus. Life is a risk itself so choose wisely.

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Time is Precious

Time is the most precious thing we got so spend it wisely 🥰

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Snakk om kontaktforbud/besøksforbud

Jeg ble kjempeglad for at justisminister Monica Mæland har tatt tak i saken at voldsutøvere og overgripere skal få evig kontaktforbud. Jeg ønsker at flere politikere tar tak i saken og snakker om det og får det vedtatt raskest mulig. Flere tror jo at besøskforbud er evig allerede, men det er det ikke. Forskjellen på kontaktforbud og besøksforbud er: Kontaktforbud er noe retten ilegger en og varer inntil 5 år. Besøksforbud blir utstedt av politiet og varer opptil ett år av gangen. Begge kan man søke om forlengelse.

Kan lese mer om saken her: https://www.vg.no/nyheter/innenriks/i/R97Jn8/maeland-vil-gi-voldsdoemte-evig-kontaktforbud

Hvorfor skal en voldsutøver eller overgriper ha en rett å ta kontakt eller oppsøke en igjen?

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Out walking in the cold…

It’s winter and I am still up for a walk every day. Making sure I take at least 10000 step each day. It’s been freezing cold down to minus 14 Celsius or 7 Farenheit. I am wearing a cap instead of my cowgirl hat to cover my ears in the cold.

I am going to update you on my diagnosis. I was on meds for paranoid psychosis but I decided to stop taking them in December. Not a smart move hearing voices came back so I started back on the meds a week later again. Got to know how well medicine works. No voices anymore, only my foolish brain thinking too much.

I still struggle with dizziness when out walking. Feels like being out at sea all the time. Sometimes I am dizzy even sitting still and laying down in bed. I wish it could be something that can be treated.

Stable 10000 steps a day 🙂

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My yearly ME time day

Today I have spent a whole day on ME. Staying away from social media and not reading news. Not interact with any people. Just thought about myself. It’s peaceful and well needed time. Everyone should try that. I do this every year on 16th January. For you who know me well it is my birthday, but I don’t celebrate it until June 21st along with my name day for Jane Helen. What I been doing today is my secret and not for everyone to know.

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Love someone while you can…

Love someone while you can ❤

Write to someone ❤

Call and talk with someone ❤

Best of all go see someone ❤

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Happy and in love…

I just want to share this secret with my readers. I am single, but I have someone I have been in love with for more than 25 years now. Who you may want to ask, but that will remain my secret. He is a very good man and do wonderful things for this world we are living in. He makes me happy without knowing it himself.

I wish for you my reader that you have someone or something to love and help you get through the days. That you are happy for maybe just a moment each day. I know how rough life can be with ups and downs.

(((((Hugs)))) and love ❤

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Happy New Year 2021

Wishing you a Happy New Year 2021 ❤

May this year become the best year yet for all 🙂

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My home made Pizza

I seem to have forgotten share my Pizza recipe with my english readers so here it comes. It’s more than 27 years ago now that I learend how to make it. It became one of the goodies my friends asked to get everytime they came around for a party or just for a visit, like it was on order.

I have my own “little” secrets to get the perfect taste, and it’s the taste that makes it good. Not the right composition and all gets wrong down to each detail. I have decided to share these secret so you can make it on your own for your own enjoyment.

I have to say a big thank you to my cooking teacher at junior high school for the recipe, but I have added my own little secrets that makes it extra good.

Jane Helen’s Pizza

The dough:
6 1/2 dl wheat flour (just add more to the dough so it get smooth not sticky)
1 teaspon salt
2 1/2 dl water
25 gram fresh yeast (dry yeast don’t give same result)
2 table spoon Mills soyabean oil (in original recipe it is only 1 table spoon but I use two for the good taste)

Mix the dry ingredients, heat the water to around 37 celsius and dilute the yeast and pour into the bowl, add the soyabean oil and mix the dough. Let it stand for an hour ish to let the dough rises.

400-500 grams of Minced meat (Gilde Norwegian brand) Shop in pieces in pan
1 box pineapple preferably the brand Dole chop in pieces
1 Red paprika chop in pices

Starland tomato puree at bottom on the dough then add meat, pineapple, paprika and cheese on top lots of it (preferably Norvegia)

Put the cooker on 225 Celius and bake the pizza at the bottom of the oven for 20-25 min so the crust gets cooked the best way. Mmmm… now enjoy it your way too, good luck cooking

Some pictures:

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