CPTSD and Flashbacks

Last night I had flashbacks from two incidents.

The first one was from when I got a several hundred kilo cow on top of me. I was in the barn with my father. He had gone to get some more hay for the cows and bulls. I was doing the milking with machines. One of the cows had kicked the machine off and I tried to pick it up next thig knowing I was lying underneath her and by chock she lay down too and squeezed me. I couldn’t breath, I tried to scream but get my fathers attention but he was upstairs and it was too much noise to hear anything. Anyway I don’t think I managed to make any noise because I couldn’t breath. Suddenly I saw the neighbor cows foot above my head I thought she was going to kick my head. My life passed in fast moving pictures in my mind. I thought I was dying. Next I remember was the cow stand back up. My body made a bow like my feet and head to the ground the other part up from the ground and millions of needles in my body. I felt so thirsty and crawled to the cows water bowl and drank water from there it was yucky but I got water. I had problems standing up alright. I felt so beat up. I managed to walk to behind the cows and my father came down. Noticed I was all dirty. Told him I fell. Couldn’t explain about the cow on top of me… One traumatic event in my life.

The second was flashbacks from several sexual assaults the abuser did to me. From when he tied me up and gagged me with his stinking sock.. I passed out sometimes. I came to myself untied and thirsty.. Sore in my private area after he had raped me. I don’t know what he had used either his penis or things.. Sometimes I was bleeding too and I wasn’t having my period. I hate having flashbacks and memories these things.

About Jane Helen

40 year old and single. Have a 15 yr old son that live in England with his father and family there. Got MS and PTSD.
This entry was posted in Abuse, All latest posts in English, Janne Helen's life. Bookmark the permalink.

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