TRIGGER!!!!!!

My hands was tied up to the couch. The abuser tried to penetrate me but it hurt and I made a sound. He grabbed my neck and next thing everything went black and dead silent. I couldn’t even hear my body sounds. Next ting I remember is him on top of me and I was still tied up. He was breathing air into me and backed off in despair saying “You must not die”, all red faced and sweaty white T-shirt. Same time trying to shake my body. It was hard to breath I remember. The inside from my mouth and to my lungs felt like dry sandpaper. I was SO thirsty. He must had strangled me and made me unconscious so I stopped breathing. He had left marks on my neck that later disappeared.

It took a long time for the marks to disappeared. Just a few days later the person that gave birth to me noticed them and made a remark. “Stop pinching yourself it makes a mark”, I tried to explain what happened but she wouldn’t listen. I went out in the hall way and looked in the mirror. My fingers were to small to fit into the marks. I grabbed a hairbrush and smashed the mirror.

Later I went on using a scarf to cover it up. I wore it in school classes too, even at swimming pool but there I ended up taking it off. I got remarks from a few but can’t remember what I told them.

So what is your worst memory?