Kill or be killed…

That is the question. After conversation with my therapist today I just wonder. As we spoke about the abuser. He asked me why I haven’t considered doing that after all the awful things he had done to me. It isn’t in my nature to do that. Even though my abuser had strangled me and then retrieved me again. I know what he is capable of doing. Because of that my body feel fear and discusted by him. I don’t want him near me because my body freeze up by his presence. I am glad he has got a restraint order to stay away from my city while I live here, only allowed through his work twice a month. It only last for a year at the time so I need to apply for a new restraint order in time it runs out.

He threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone, I have told the whole world what he has done on this blog. I should feel safer now that everyone knows, but some fear is still there. Because who does really care? I am a nobody to this world. With a small voice. I am not capable to kill anyone, I wouldn’t be able to do in self defence either, not that I know of anyway.

I hope to move to the USA and be far away from him and also knowing with his sentencing he won’t be able to enter the USA. I would feel safer there.

About Jane Helen

40 year old and single. Have a 15 yr old son that live in England with his father and family there. Got MS and PTSD.
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