During June I remembered even more from the house of madness in my childhood :-O
I can’t understand how a mother can be SO cruel towards ones child ? Just the thought about it now after time has passed by make me all dizzy and it aches in my head, and entire body..

The head ache I have had more than less since the beginning of June. It took me a while until I fully understood where it came from. To begin with I thought it was new symptoms of my MS, but suddenly the acute pictures or what is so nicely called flashbacks. She is running between chairs and tables, through doors and hallways, up and down stairs, even around the farmyard outdoors with her cooking spoon in her hand :-O .. NOONE saw anything at all :-O .. Anyway she was left to be allowed to behave that way, noone stopped her.. Into cupboards, under the sofa, in the attic closet I too could try and hide away..

One time she came after me up the attic, but instead of looking after me she locked the door :-O I catched my breath, safe. But the hours passed by, and nothing happened.. There was 3 closets in the attic and 2 of them had a small opening in between them, narrow enough for a small child to crawl through. There was also air vents down to the toilet and bathroom. So I tried to gain attention from the people downstairs as I could hear voices, by pushing down the vents. But they didn’t see me or hear me trying to say hi and tell them I was up there.. My stomach started to rumble and I became thirsty.. Then I became so tired and just fell asleep.. For how long? I don’t know, but I heard them call my name several times, many times, they were searching for me. She knew I was in the closet in the attic, or had she really forgotten it? Locked one’s own child in and forgotten it? My strength to stand up wasn’t there, or to say anything.. In the end she finds me behind a pile of old clothes and of course she starts yelling “what in the world are you doing up here, we have been searching for you, you can’t behave like this!” .. Not ONE word about how I was doing, or what state I was in.. Can’t remember what happens more, if I was fed or just put straight in bed.. I was thirsty and hungry, and all worn out.

Back, to the head ache. It came after she had chased me around the living room and I had hid in the corner behind the corner sofa. I covered myself with a blanket, but she finds me and smashes on my head :-O All until I fall to the floor.. I see the floor, hear noises, but can’t react.. I don’t know how I lay there drowsy.. It happened more than one time, and sometimes I passes out :-O After a while I learn to put a cushion on my head to avoid worst of the pressure, but it didn’t help much..

What in the world makes a mother treat ones child like this? Can anyone explain that to me? And why did NOONE stop her? They saw her, and did they think it was funny? Yeah .. they sat and laughed at it, the laughter still rings in the back of my head.. Humans’ clearest madness!