The throbbing memories and the right to be free in society

New memories keep knocking at the door in my head.. My head is boiling over by the knocking memories. I don’t want to remember anything more now!!! But, when I talk my way through my history I remember more and more details, and if I thought he was just “a little” insane, he has ended up with status completely brain dead!

What in the world gets a person to do what he did towards me? I didn’t even think thoughts like that, still he did it :-O He was supposed to be a brother, not a beast, a monster, a maniac who had lost all inhibitions :-O

I now understand very well why the big protest energy inside of me is denying to accept him to get let loose in society again. … Is it possible, anyone who wants to help me make it possible? No, I don’t encourage anyone to do anything criminal, but open the eyes to the people that makes the laws and judge in the courts. For the Norwegian citizens sake ❤

If I share about the worst parts of my history onwards so perhaps you will understand even a little more why I whatsoever not see him again! Restraint order for life has to be introduced.

After what happened last summer must the people that makes the laws and the courts that judges understand that or? Is it continuing denial? Actually see and understand what people have to live with through their daily life? Dos it has to be accepted, does society really mean that? That children get abused to death or marked for life? 2 lousy years for stealing an entire childhood from a child, and big parts of ones grown up life as well? :-O
I was a child that got abused and shouldn’t have been alive today.. but I have survived. With todays’ debates and talks I really wonder if the Norwegian state rather had been most “benefitted” with me not being alive at all, but just dead..

I have got to known quite a lot of people after I came forward with my story, and many with similarities to my own story.. The walls one meet in the “help service” (write it “ …” because to help, means to help, and not to stop a human, but that is what they are doing). It isn’t only me who has been met with this “get on with life” mentality, without talking about the real problem one struggles with. If you don’t ask the right question you won’t get the right answers. And it is also about reacting towards the abnormal that people have experienced in life.

About 10 years ago I sought the “help service” for the first time. If I had got the chance to talk about the problem back then I most likely had been able to have a job, that I believe in. I have had a job, but haven’t managed it so very well. Now has everything stopped up, I am exhausted from fighting to get believed in, and now I actually also fighting to be allowed to talk about what is my real problem too. I wished I was able to have at least 4 psychiatrist appointments during the 14 days and not just 1, then I would get quicker back to working life, something I want to myself. But is there anyone that understand what abused people really needs? Can I demand to get these appointments? .. Have asked my psychiatrist about this, but there capacity isn’t there, they have to assign more psychiatrists. What would society gain the most from? To keep us the looongest in treatment in the help service system, or assign more psychiatrists to get people quicker back to function in society again?

Yes my dear Prime minister I am talking about sexual abuse, but when people don’t want to listen to me? Where do I then turn and walk when this is the thing I want to talk about everywhere I go? Because this is what always comes to my mind.. 1 time every 14 days I am allowed to talk about it, or I write in forums on the net. I want to be part of society with my story and my problem without being pushed out of it..

It isn’t normal for a human having to carry a rolling pin in ones handbag to be able to walk outside their doorstep. I want to hang it on my wall, but after the restraint order went out on date shortly after his sentencing got legally enforceable and wasn’t renewed in time, I just lost faith in the legal system. The violence alarm was taken away from me and the rolling pin is okay for me to carry, according to the police, as long as I don’t use it. I have to look after myself, there is no one else that create that security.. Not as a child and not as an adult…

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2 Responses to The throbbing memories and the right to be free in society

  1. LilleRedd says:

    The system is not fair…

    *hugs*

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