The terror and … colaps

The terror in the capitol and the island Utøya
My thoughts goes out to those who are affected and stands in the midle of all this, to those who has lost loved ones, those who witnessed it and got wounded ❤

I am unable to understand it, think noone can, maybe for the best! … What is wrong with people that do such things? That they lost their minds we can understand, but the action of such kind is unhuman. Without empathy and sence of mind to understand the consequences.

The pictures from the capitol and the island Utøya made me unwell. Especially those in the water, and then the commentators mentions roughly how many is deseased it all just falls apart, starts to cry and I am shivering. So insanely meaningless! Horrible, sick, words just stops…

Triggers and colaps
The pictures and stories being told is triggering lots in me. From my own traumas wich isn’t worked on yet or been talked about. A little by little it comes out of me.

Firstly I got ill by the sight of the face of the person behind this, he reminded me of my abuser… The other thing is he comes and tells he is police and he is going to help, it triggers me from the time my own “mother says “I love you” and then hits me. That terror I recognize, but I am still alive, time after time… And the babysitter who accuses me of lying as a 6 yr old when I am speaking the truth! Those youngsters that believes it is just a joke, until they see the blood and the dead bodies… I feel their pains in the midst of the chaos.. My head and body can’t handle it anymore…

I am colapsing and starts to cry/scream insanely loud, can’t sit up and falls to the floor, hyperventilates and falls out. I can hear vocies talking to me, thinking thoughts inside my mind, can’t manage to say anything, the breath is heavy and takes all the energy, I am shivering, shakeing and gets nousous all over my body. All energy goes to crying and screaming… In the end the cries stops, but am still unable to say anything, get my thoughts out… Numb all over me, having problems breathing and reaches for it, feels like I need ocsygen and gets to say it in the end I needd air. The windows gets opened, but I am asking for a check up at the doccters for safety reasons. I should had been at a ward for getting the stuff I cary on out of me… but the emergncy tells me there is no acute team ready to help at night time and weekends… ??? Why not? I am unable to be alone for the night in fear of another colaps so ask to go to the crisis center again until the next day. They was going to fix transportation, but it took some time so I decided to just walk the 300 meters on me own.

Have slept and rested after the energyblast of my life!…

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2 Responses to The terror and … colaps

  1. Wren Murray says:

    Dear Janne Helen,
    It is too shocking for words. That such a peaceful nation can be terrorised by such a maniac is bad enough. That it triggered your own horrors is terrible. I am so sorry. If it helps I hear your cries and have read your blog here so you are not alone.
    I heard, only once, that the man who killed so many innocent people was a mason. I am sure he was under the influence of mind control – had been abused himself, and was lashing out at the world that hurt him. It does not take away the pain from all the people involved. But it takes me back to my own abusers who were part of the ‘free’ masons. They continue to exist, to hide, to steal children, and to do such monstrous things.
    We must cry our own tears first and then tell the world about the hidden truths.

    Sending love to you and STOR klemmer and love to all of Norge xx
    Wren

    • Janne Helen says:

      It is unbelievable! Thanks Wren, but I think you know that we all live with the triggers around us, every day because of all the traumas we have been through. This time was the hardest trigger I ever have experienced to have, except from when they sat and laughed of course, I am still overly triggered by people laughing because of them…

      There is no excuse or justyfying to do such horrible things to innocent people! I have been abused badly too, but I can’t go out and kill inonocent people because of that. I am angry and upset too, verry and by good reason. I carry a baking pole to protect myself and feel safe on the street.. That would be considered crazy, but the police has acknowledged it as “it is the way it should be”… Huh? I can see lots of women with baking poles in their handbags in Norway… So far I am the only one in the year of 2011 that I know of… So you see the world is a crazy place to live in :S

      I am sorry to hear about your abuser and the way he terrorised you Wren, but I hope you are all free from that now ❤ My abuser wasn't member of anything, he was a child himself when he started abusing me, so they excist in all society from rich to poor, no workers to the highly educated and in all religious comparisons too, all because they are all humans…

      Peace to all ❤ Keep living and take care of oneself ❤ And do NOT do such horrible things ever again! … We are all capable of doing it if mind is put right to it… Sadly but it is the truth… :-S So do not let yourself get scared by your fellow human citizens to not live your life ❤

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