Anger expression – my traitors

Today I had the chanse to express my anger out loud and kicking cusions around. Meeting and taking out people from the past who let me down. All the people who got to know at different times during my sofar lifetime and didn’t do anything to stop the abuse…

My abuser for everything all these years. I meet him again in the courtroom, … maybe I dare to show him how angry I really am at him. …

My mother I just yelled at, stay out and away from my life! Never been my mother!

The babysitter at 6 years, I told words like “fucking his sister” :-O … And sticking fingers up inisde of me, all this while my abuser was there hearing me say all this. She worked at a nursery I used to go to at the same time and looking after other children too… ???

My teacher seeing my blue bruise on my hipster and asked “who did that and why”? My mother had done that by hitting me with a wooden cooking spoon, she used to hit us children with that for punishment… later I got the list from the school with UN childrens act on “do not hit children”, and “children has a right to be heard”… ??? Where was the teacher in her teaching at that point? …

The person from child protection services that came into our house to put my younger brother to bed, saw an insident between me and my abuser on the sofa, but didn’t manage to react to it as she should had… Me, her and my mother talked about it another day and my mother had told her she was going to take care of it. … But that was the problem in the first place she did know, but didn’t do anything to stop it. Why were they there in the first place? … They didn’t do their work! …

My ex husband, for making his way by telling about his own problems, but never taken notice of mine… He even raped me the first time we met … Divorced for a reason and he better know it!… Even gave gifts to my abuser AFTER the divorce! Better stay out of sight! …

The docter and the paperwork… No consern to report my brother for the abuse he had done and still was allowed to be able to do… The abortion I didn’t even know who was the father of that child… My abuser or my raping ex… I got the answer last year when I got the paperwork from the hospital.

The psyciatrist that were set up to help me… Made a overlook of my history of abuse, who was a part of the story, family, relatives, friends etc… But I wasn’t allowed to talk about my abuse. “Move on with life and get a relationship”, write sex fantasies to get help with intimacy problems” :-O … No fantasies can heal intimacy problems, they are so much more complicated than that. I wanted to talk about the insidents of the abuse I had endured! … I do here at rehab, 9 years later, I could had got the help I wanted then instead of pushed on with more problems instead… Yeah, beacuse she managed to talk my ex out of “he didn’t rape you, it was your way to react to sex and intimacy” … Uh, I had had a normal sexual relationship before that and had no problems… But she refused to listen to me… So therefor the ex became ex husband at last anyway…

… Then a whole lot of people came to know in 2007 after I got divorced… But nooen dared to report him… What if he has abused more people and are hiding it behind his face? …

He first admitted everything in court, but did go ahead and make an appeal anyway??? ….

I am A N G R Y ! ! !

About Jane Helen

40 year old and single. Have a 15 yr old son that live in England with his father and family there. Got MS and PTSD.
This entry was posted in Janne Helen's life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Anger expression – my traitors

  1. Pingback: To report and working with the police… And the politician… | Space for Janne Helen

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