I’m jumping in!

I’m about to write something I haven’t got to write about on my blog before… About Abuse… To be on trauma treatment is though and you can’t escape it. That’s why I am where I am.

These memorries from the childhood, even early childhood… Horrible pains that comes from the time it happend… What I am about to write about will shoock your head off, (at least it isn’t anything easy to read about…) …

The first that comes to my mind is when I am in the bathtub, he is harrassing me as a bugger, touching me and stalking me in the bathtub. Then something strange starts to occure in the water, something I named as the yuck. It smells and doesn’t smell or even look like any soapbubbles I had seen in the water before either, (finds out by dashing some of all the botles by the bathtub in the water to makle bubbles, but none of them were similar). Though he might had his own soap, but not it was coming out of his willy, yuck! … When I started running out of the water before I was finished bathing my parents placed me back up into that yucky water again :-O What were they thinking? :-O I did tell them “yuck in the water”! …

When I am 6 year old I HAVE to share bed/sleepingsofa draw with him… My bedroom is having a redecorating beside my parents, until then I’ve been having a bed in their bedroom. He continues the harrasments and is touching me more and more and starts putting his fingers inisde of me and rub his body against mine. It stings in my private area and I can still feel them pains. I am trying to tell my mother once what he was doing to me and almost tears her clothes off her, but he gets to continue his sickness until on my 7th birthday I get my own room alone.

On my 11th birthday and after my guests had gone home, he comes and sits me on the sofa upstairs on the videoroom, and holds me down… There is halfempty soda bottles and crisps bowls on the table… he is removing my trousers and wants off me the pantyhoses I was wearing too, then I run off, but he comes after me and grabs me again and sits me hard down in the sofa again… He is using tounge, fingers and tries penetrate with his dick, it is blowing and feel like it all tears, I let him know and he withdraws… After that he starts to use things to widen the vagina area… Screwdriver and hairbrush. Remember the blood on the hairbrush and how it tears down there. And it still stings in the butt, have trouble sitting still and propperly on chairs because of that. She brought the brushes and screwdrivers back out of the bin after I tried get rith of them… I couldn’t say anything then, but she could see… It stings and hurts after it tore… I got urinetract infection with stinking flow in my pants so she bought me some pantyliners to avoid get my trousers wet all through… I got my period in 6th grade…

I’m now feeling all the pains I used to have again… They been so hardly surpressed…

About Jane Helen

40 year old and single. Have a 15 yr old son that live in England with his father and family there. Got MS and PTSD.
This entry was posted in Janne Helen's life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to I’m jumping in!

  1. lillevinkel says:

    Thats how that kind of abuse works…its like being brain washed…you may be grown up, but when it comes to situations like this, you becomes a child again..the survivor have no posebility to say no, because the abuser knows how to play its game….sad, but true !

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