Dear Abuser…

Do you feel disturbed now? I hope you are strong enough to read the whole letter I am going to write to you. Hope it awakens you though. First and foremost I ask you to stop doing what you are doing to me, a thief that steals my life. STOP! You have to think! You know what you are doing is wrong, so stop doing what you are doing right away, are you reading now, are you thinking now? Do you understand me? I want to wake you up, make you understand that you are not allowed to think like that about me, don’t touch me like that, doing that to my body! You need help so go get it now! Get away from me and stop torturing me! Set me free from prison!

If you don’t know where to go then talk with your doctor, the police, confide in a friend or someone you trust in. Just seek help! All you have to do is to stop what you are doing, because you can not undo the damage done, but you can change your actions and behaviour!

I don’t forgive you, but I care. Hope you can wake up and care too…

Read the poem:
I am just lying there…
 
I am just lying there…
I’m turning so he
easier gets the clothes off
I refuse to do it myself
his own dirty job
I don’t want him
to do it…
Sometimes the nice
clothes get torn apart
Gifts from family and friends
He is touching me,
but I can’t feel it
because I refuse to feel for it
I don’t want to feel it.
I am just lying there.
When he leaves he says the most
unforgiving bad words
“sorry, I didn’t mean it…”
Why in his head does
he say something like that?
 
It flow from the eyes
the pain unbearable
Do I get to sleep tonight?
Will he come again?
Can I lock the door?
Am I still alive tomorrow?
I am just lying there…
I want to scream
but not a sound comes out
I want to sleep
but the angsiety sits too deep
The fright and pain.

 (Original “Jeg Ligger Der Bare”, of 19.01.2009)
Janne Helen Tømmervåg
22.01.2010
Someone abused by her brother…